Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
