youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
