At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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