gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
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