either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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