just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize