sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
