im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I'm just crazy horny about you
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
