Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
the liver wants what the liver wants
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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