idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
It was confusing and full of hummus
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
