I skipped work to stalk him.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
