alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
