I'm going to jail i love you
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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