When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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