got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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