I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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