Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
