If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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