I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
