Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
