How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
