i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
