my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
