Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
