Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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