A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
