I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
