what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
