I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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