my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
