the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
