I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
