i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
