I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize