i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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