I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
