I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
