Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
