U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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