he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
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