Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
