weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
