I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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