Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
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