I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
