He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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