doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
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Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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