New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize