i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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