i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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