they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
