11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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