Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
