OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
