I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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