How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
