just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
