Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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