ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
