There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
