so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
