I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize