i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
