I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
