dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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