I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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