apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
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Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
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You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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