Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
