So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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