I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
