Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
