What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
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On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
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If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
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