We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
