Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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