Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
My balls are so social today.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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