Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I checked into jail on foursquare
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
