2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
