sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
