does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
