i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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