i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
