Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
