Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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